Rain, Leap and then Prevail
Prevail: To prove more powerful than opposing forces; to be victorious
Leap Year leaves me in a funk. It reminds me of a particular time in my past in which I prefer not to dwell. Let’s get real. It reminds me a particular person from my past whom I prefer not to get hung up on. So, driving home from work, five pounds of Chipotle on the passenger seat for our dinner, rain pounding hard on the window at a rate that no windshield wiper can keep up with, it dawns on me. No wonder I’ve been in a funk all day. It’s those subconscious things. And the stupid thunderstorm.
A certain Lord Voldemort, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, celebrates his birthday today. He’s my “I have absolutely no good reason for why I stayed with him for so long and absolutely no good excuse for why I didn’t see it coming” lesson. The standard, adolescent “love conquers all- as long as you mix a CD that includes Jack Johnson’s latest we’re better together argument” naivete. To no blame but myself, it was me learning the hard way back then. It was me learning that colleges change kids, fraternities change guys, loose girls change boyfriends and lying boyfriends turn lovestruck girlfriends into strong, independent forces to be reckoned with.
So for the first time in years, peering through the windshield at the rain, I relive the heart pounding series of events. The storm slamming violently on the hood of my car. The boy in my passenger seat caught, for good this time. The truth. The whole truth, much different than the one he gave just three days prior. “Get Out.” Nothing. “Get OUT.” Tears. “GET OUT NOW.” Reaching over to the door to personally escort him out of the car. Speeding away, leaving him at the deserted gas station, standing in the rain. Rushing through the door, screaming for my mom. It was the first time I felt so pained by somebody that I actually vomited. And stopped eating out of complete lack of appetite.
Somewhere in between him and today, I’ve become a very different person. I have a callous shell and an “earn my trust” attitude. I don’t believe in the magical love I believed in back then. I believe in a real, raw love these days. I developed my non-negotiable’s- in a partner and in a person I will call a friend. I stand up for myself and I call people out on their bullshit. I also expect the same in return from people who say they respect me. I fell in love with a man who answered my unknown prayers. He let me scream at him when I was overbearing and subconsciously jealous of another girl in his life. He waited patiently as I opened up, peeling layer by layer, until I finally exposed a person that nobody else has ever been given the privilege of knowing- not even me.
I don’t think about H-W-M-N-B-N’ed very often. I hope he’s doing well and I hope he learned his lesson. If he hasn’t, I hope he at least got smart enough to keep his skeezy business off of Facebook so that his girlfriends don’t find out that way. I hope he’s learned that it’s not charming to want to please everyone so much that you lie through your teeth and live a secret life. I don’t hold grudges. I made my peace. Let’s just say this: I know enough to know that karma really does exist.
That being said, I am ready for tomorrow. I’ve been in a large enough funk to last another four years. Happy March.
*Filed under Personal Life*
